Updated: Jan 18, 2021
I know that before I get it right, I will most likely get it wrong. I recently watched my 6 year old nephew learn to play twinkle twinkle little star on his new guitar. He hit some notes correct, some slow, some piece by piece, and some notes wrong. I realized how important it was for him to get it wrong. His parents are encouraging and so is his teacher which helps him comfortable with the pace he is learning as well as getting it wrong and right. He is gradually getting better and better.
Regardless of what one is learning they are going to make mistakes along the way and through practice their skills will get fine tuned. No matter what the skill being learned chances are mistakes along the way, or a slow build is how the skill will be gained.
It may seem absurd to some that though I am well into my 30’s I am only now learning to identify and communicate my needs, explore my personal boundaries, and access emotions. As a complex trauma survivor those things were foreign to me. Living in silence and oppression can create a lack of agency and that certainly was the case with me.
Up until now much of my work needed to be done alone as only I could do that inner work. No one can grieve for me, I had to grieve on my own. When trauma happens in the context of relationships it is said that the hub of healing can also be in relationships. Now, my work is to be done with others and WHO I practice getting it wrong with will matter because just like my nephew learning a new skill to play a guitar I too am learning how to be in healthy relationships. Looking at it all as a way to practice getting it right helps me come back to grace with the up and down with communication, boundary setting, and understanding emotions. Admitting, I got it wrong makes it easier to see what adjustments could be made to get it right. It makes it about the journey vs the destination.